Anxiety...my worst enemy

For those who dont know, I have serious issues with anxiety. If I could stay in my house and never go anywhere at all, I'd be perfectly happy. Unfortunately, I dont have that option. It already keeps me from being able to hold a real job but I continue to fight against it keeping me from supporting my children and doing some of the things I love. At the moment, I'm in a panic as I wait to go and work the concession stand at the high school football game. I dont do this because I enjoy it or the games for that matter. The crowds, the noise, the craziness...actually make me want to hide. I do it because I love my daughter. Working the concession stand benifits the band and therefore benefits her and its a tangible way for me to show her how proud I am of her and how much I love her. Having said that...holy cats...why did i agree to do this!!

The same anxiety that keeps me from getting out and doing also keeps me from taking the steps needed to make a career as an artist. So while I work to do more and beat back some of this anxiety, I am also looking for ways to get my art out there without me actually having to get out there myself. Look for an etsy store in the future and an art open house as we get closer to the holidays. I welcome any suggestions or ideas you might have and I'm so thankful to any of you that are actually reading this! Pray for me too if you would. I need all the help i can get.

Revelation

Instead of the "still, small voice" that God usually uses to communicate with us, He seems to be yelling at me through the words of some of my favorite songs. Another favorite was on the radio earlier and although it is a song I know well and sing along to often this time the verses seemed to fade into the background only to have the chorus jump out at me with perfect clarity.

"Give me a revelation, show me what to do

Cause Ive been trying to find my way

I havent got a clue

Tell me should I stay here or do I need to move

Give me a revelation,

I've got nothing without you."

From

Revelation by Third Day

I'll probably be posting quite a lot in the first week or so just so those of you who dont know me very well can learn more about some of the issues that I struggle with and so I can bring you up to date on some of the ongoing art projects I have. I have a feeling God will be putting more words in my path that I'll be sharing with you as well.

Welcome to My Art Journey

I'm starting a new blog to document my journey as an aspiring artist, the high and lows, the successes and failures, the joy, passion and even sometimes ultimate frustration of my life as a wannabe artist. I'm not even comfortable calling myself an "Artist". I'm creative, yes. I'm crafty, some would say. God has given me abilities, talents and a passion for creating. I just have a hard time feeling like I have any of that at a level that gives me a right to call myself an "Artist". For now and probably forever, I'll simply think of myself as an aspiring, wannabe artist and try to enjoy all the ups and downs of the journey.

My business name, The Weaver's Hand, comes from a favorite poem called The Weaver. It expresses perfectly the way I try to see my world and live my life.

The Weaver

My life is but a weaving, between my Lord and me.

I cannot choose the colors, He worketh steadily.

Oftimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride,

Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.

Not till the loom is silent, and the shuttle cease to fly,

Shall God unroll the canvas, and explain the reasons why.

The dark threads are as needful, in the weaver's skillful hand,

As the threads of gold and silver, in the pattern He has planned.

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One of my favorite songs came on the radio today and its words inspired me to try to take a next step in this journey. This blog is part of that step. The song talks about going through the motions instead of stepping out and really experiencing what God has in store for you. Although the main message of the song is about taking the next step in a relationship with God, I'm always struck by the feeling that God is using those words to tell me to stop going through the motions and take the next step in my artistic journey as well.

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"I dont wanna go through the motions,

I dont wanna go one more day

Without your all-consuming passion inside of me.

I dont wanna spend my whole life asking

what if I had given everything

instead of going through the motions."

from

The Motions by Matthew West

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I'll be posting regularly with pictures of and thoughts on the projects I am working on. I hope you can travel with me and enjoy the journey.